she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
