Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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