The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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