but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
