i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
