talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
