from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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