Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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