Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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