remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
