my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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