thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize