He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
