Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
