he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
