sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
