I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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