Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
