did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
