Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
