I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
