ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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