i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
