you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
