Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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