Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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