"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
