i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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