Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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