Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize