you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
