been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
