i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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