I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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