Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
