I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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