i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
