Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize