The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize