It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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