I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
