she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
