you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
