Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
