we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
