you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
