yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
