I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
nutella sex= disaster
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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