i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
