Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
