hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
