i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
