2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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