Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You pole danced in your parka.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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