i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
