Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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