did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
