You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
COCAINE IS GR8
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
