I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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