You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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