honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize