i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
