Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
