Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
