Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
