Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
