You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
