my sisters under your porch take her home
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
