He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
