What did we do last night that was yellow?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
