he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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