Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
