There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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