mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
