She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You did what with his pubic hair?
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