No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
