you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
