i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
