Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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