My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
