I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
