the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize