The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
