I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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