walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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