Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
