Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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