I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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