She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
