News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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