Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
