We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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