SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize