Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
