I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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