When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
