If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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