I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
