fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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