I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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