I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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