So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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