the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
