Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
