Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
